Time to be me

I don't know how some people do it.  They seem to have everything together, the house is always spotless, children immaculate, and dinner is always homemade.  That is so NOT me in any way shape or form.  At the same time, that is not who God created me to be.  It's funny that today during lunch I was thinking of an old friend.  Somebody that was trying to change me into being another version of her and because I failed at that, so did the friendship.    And she was one of those people that always had everything together. 

God created me to be me, nobody else.  It is hard not to compare myself to other people and always come out the loser.  We are all called to keep our focus on Him, nothing else.  And when that is done, we can better see ourselves the way the God sees us.  It's a challenge though not to notice what is going on around us, to remind ourselves of those famous last words Jesus said to Peter "You Follow Me".  When we do start looking at others, it's due to feelings of inadequacy.  Inadequacy is not of God.  I've put up reminders around the apartment and yet it doesn't seem like enough.  It's a constant battle. 

When I was a child, I was the one that my father expected to be perfect, no errors, no mistakes.  It's a crazy notion, especially considering that my father had always wanted for me to be a boy.  It's an old struggle.  But I have Christ and with Christ, the battle is already won (note past tense).

Anyways, it's getting late and tomorrow is another day.  So, I will put the Little Caesar's Pizza box in the kitchen and not worry about the dishes that need to be washed.  My home isn't a health issue except for possibly the kid's room  -JK.

God Bless
God's Cole

pray for my baby please

Got home to find my daughter is sick with the flu.  She can't seem to keep anything down.  Currently she is laying on the couch watching TV half heartily.  Seeing her like this reminds me of how fragile she really is.  Yeah, she is a very tough tomboy but even the toughest of us is frail.  She is growing so fast and yet is still so little.  I wonder if God sees us in this light.  As frail, little kids that sometimes obeys and sometimes disobeys.  Yet  He is always faithful and always loving us.

There are so many things that I wanted to share today but I have a higher priority at this time.  God entrusted her to my care and right now, she is in need of me making her some jello.

God Bless
God's Cole

missed the storm

more than once in fact and one of them was quite literal.  It was a beautiful day when I left for work, even left the window down for about an inch.  Then a half hour before the end of my shift a heavy storm came blowing through.  I didn't get to see it but it was so strong that everyone at work could hear it in the building.  FYI, where I work used to be a mall.  The wind was blowing, thunder rolling, and a downpour as well.  When I went out to my car my back seat was wet but not the drivers seat, even though it was my window that was cracked.  That wind must have been very strong to blow the rain into my back seat and not the drivers seat.

Then I get home and have my son tell me that my daughter has left to go camping with a friend (without asking my permission) and the only note that she left was that she will finish cleaning her room this week.  NOT the thing to come home to.  First thing that I started to do was pray.  Granted it started with please don't let me kill her when she gets home.  I knew who she was with but around here, if you are camping I can guarantee that you won't have cellphone service (unless your idea of camping is a four star hotel instead of a five star).   Even that storm got avoided though when she walked in a couple of hours later and told me that they went to the lake for some swimming.  The lake that they went to doesn't even have a camp site.  Of course, Michael forgot the name of the lake until after she was home.  Important thing, she is home safe and sound.  It's tough raising teenagers.  I think that one of my biggest struggles is in being a good mother and doing right by these kids.

Just finished reading a really good book called Dear Paul, Am I On The Right Track.  It's basically letters between a new Christian named Madeline who had to move to LA and a retired pastor named Paul that is in Boston.  Through these letters Madeline is encountering different forms of "Christianity" and is searching to make sure that she is on the right track.  They refer to the book of Colossians many times and it's almost funny thinking of the people that she is referencing and those that they remind me of.  At the same time, I also worry that I don't want to become one of those claiming to follow Christ yet make it difficult for others to follow.  Then again, one of my big fears is to have spiritual blood on my hands (otherwise known as I don't want anyone choosing to go to Hell because of my actions or words as a Christian).

Time for bed.  One more day of work then I get Thursday off.  Looks like I will be spending it cleaning.

God Bless
God's Cole

This is me...

Yes, this is a blog that is being written by a Christian that doesn't have her act together.  There are still areas in my life that I struggle with, past choices that were made when I wasn't following God and the consequences of those choices.  This is what I hope will be more like a daily journal showing that my salvation isn't by anything that I have done or said but by the grace of God.  The only thing that I have done is accept the forgiveness granted to me, the forgiveness that I am in constant need of.

A little background.  I am a single mother of five children, 4 sons and one daughter.  We joke that it took that long to get a girl due to the fact that she is the youngest.  Currently she is a teenager getting ready to start her freshman year of high school this fall.  It's just her and I, the boys come and visit and stay for a time but only my daughter actually lives with me.  I work full time and we manage to make things work.  It's not easy but nothing that God calls for us to do will be easy.  Only 2 of my children have given their lives to Christ, my oldest and youngest.  God never intended  for child rearing to be a one person job.  It takes two to make a child because it takes two to raise a child. 

As far as the last week goes, God has lead me to finally have peace about a situation that has been haunting me for well over a year.  Something that I have learned is that even when someone appears to be such an amazing Christian, don't be surprised at their sins.  It can get very difficult, especially when you are a casualty of their actions. 

It is time to spend some more time with the two youngest, we are to be watching a movie together.  One that I have never seen before which rally surprises them -Pirates of the Caribbean At World's End.

God Bless and be the Snakebird that God has called you to be.

God's Cole